Prodigal Marty, Prodigal Me

There will be many people at Marty's funeral who are recovering addicts in one form or another.  Based on what I know, Marty would not be included in that number.  And neither would my father have been.  So...as someone with first-hand knowledge of dealing with the death of an UNrecovered addict, perhaps I have a useful perspective.

Marty's older sister mentioned him in connection with the parable of the Prodigal Son.  I smiled to myself when she said it on the phone, as this is one of my favorite scripture passages to debate.  Having heard many homilies on this Gospel, I have yet to meet the clergyperson who has the same take on it as I do.  And my version is certainly something that comes into play as a survivor of "unrecovered-addict grief".

First, a definition:

Definition of PRODIGAL

1: characterized by profuse or wasteful expenditure : lavish prodigal feast> <prodigal outlays for her clothes>

2: recklessly spendthrift prodigal prince>

3: yielding abundantly : luxuriant —often used with of prodigal of her bounty — H. T. Buckle>

Examples of PRODIGAL

1. prodigal child always spent her allowance the minute she got it>

Origin of PRODIGAL

Latin prodigus, from prodigere to drive away, squander, from pro-, prod- forth + agere to drive — more at pro-, agent

First Known Use: 15th century

 

Even casual Scripture readers are familiar with the parable of the Prodigal Son.  Found in Luke's Gospel, chapter 15, verses 11 through 32, this parable details the story of a man with two sons.  The younger son comes to him and asks for what will be his share of the inheritance.  The father divides his property and gives half to this son, who then proceeds to leave the country and live a life of "loose living".  Until the money runs out.  Hiring himself out as a pig herder, his condition worsens.  He "came to himself" and realized that his father's workers were far better off than he was, so he rehearsed an apology and took himself home.

Certainly, this son fits the definition of "prodigal".  He is profusely wasteful and recklessly spendthrift.  In a short period of time, he took what he had been given and partied it all away.

Yet, when his father saw him coming home, he "had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him."  The son no sooner blurted out his apology: "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son" when the father called for a party to be held in his honor.

This prodigal...this party-er...this "profusely wasteful and recklessly spendthrift" son cannot but evoke images of Marty.  Marty - whom everyone loved because he was always the life of the party.  Marty - who was involved in a food fight at my daughter's wedding that somehow became one of the highlights of the day for me.  Marty - who never had a dime, but when he did, spent it on enjoying life...however he defined enjoyment, no matter who disapproved or no matter the consequences.

Marty, the Prodigal.

But - as the infomercials always say - "wait; there's more!"

Remember that Luke is careful to mention that the partying son in this story is the second son.  Which means, of course, that there also has to be a first son.  The first son comes home in the midst of the party and "was angry and refused to go in."  The father also goes out to the first son, trying to encourage him to rejoice in the return of his brother.  But his response was: "Lo, these many years I have served you, and have never disobeyed your command; yet you never gave me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends.  But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your living with harlots, you killed for him the fatted calf."

I submit that the first son is also a prodigal son.  From the Latin origin of the word the first son "drove away" his father and brother, and "squandered" his father's love by never realizing that he had it all along.

And which is the worse sin: to squander my father's "stuff", or to squander his love?  Given that context, I believe it is difficult for any of us not be be defined as prodigal.  Certainly I am prodigal - when I am judgmental about another person...when I feel superior because my choices were more sober than theirs...when I drive them away with anger.

As I said, my father never recovered from his alcoholism.  When I knew that I was pregnant the first time, I told him he would never be allowed to see my children when he was drunk.  And somehow, he managed to always remain sober around them.  If this isn't the surest sign that the father he wanted to be - but couldn't - loved me, I don't know what is.


And Marty...Marty called me out of the blue on my 60th birthday and sang "Sto Lat".  I know that Marty blew his - and everyone else's money.  I know that he lived life high.  But somewhere in there was the Marty I grew up with.  Here's something about Marty that no one knows: when my father's drunkenness was the "elephant in the living room" at Babcia's house on Sundays, and I threw up my emotional wall, because I was a kid and didn't know what else to do, it was Marty who took me by the hand and lead me out of the room and distracted me until I felt better.


Marty - we are both prodigal, you and I.  And I hope you never let me forget it!

I Am Not Your Enemy

For the recent Independence Day long weekend, I periodically posted links on my Facebook page to what I considered to be patriotic music videos - beginning with a rousing edition of "The Stars and Stripes Forever", and including such pieces as "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The Star Spangled Banner" (sung by a combined military academies choir - NOT a Hollywood type). I am certain that this confused more than a few people.

While many of my Facebook "friends" share my politics, others do not. This is sometimes a point of contention between us. "I know that you hate (fill in the blank)".

I confess to being confused.  For more years than I can remember, American citizens have been at each others' throats.  Perhaps I am fantasizing, but it seems about the time of Nixon's resignation, we developed a siege mentality, and anyone who was not just like me politically became "The Enemy", to be lumped in first with the Communists, and more recently The Taliban or al Quaeda.  So I know that, being a moderate-to-liberal Democrat, my conservative Republican "friends" were stumped by my obvious display of patriotism.  How could I possibly be patriotic when I was certainly someone whose opinions need to be obliterated in the coming mid-term elections?  Patriotism is, of course, the private domain of conservative Republicans...right?  Because we all know that all Democrats are socialists............

In a nation that was founded on dissent, we have made that dissent equal to treason.

Thomas Jefferson wrote:

"The history of Poland... gives a lesson which all our countrymen should study: the example of a country erased from the map of the world by the dissensions of its own citizens." --Thomas Jefferson to William Duane, 1811. ME 13:66

It doesn't really matter which party controls the White House or Congress.  Whichever party has the upper hand in numbers, the other party will vote against in all things.  Doesn't matter what makes common sense (like extending unemployment benefits during this time of severe recession).  Democrats are for it, so Republicans are against it.  And during the Bush Administration, the opposite was equally true.

It is no longer possible to be bi-partisan, because anyone who is not like me is "wholly other" (to use theological terminology) and therefore the enemy.  Those who govern us no longer work for the common good, but for the preservation of their party alone.

With thinking like this, we never would have prevailed in World War II, nor put astronauts on the moon.  Those were both cases of working together, an ability which has atrophied due to under-use.

So here's what I would like everyone to know: I AM NOT THE ENEMY!  Although we may choose different paths to get there, our destination is the same: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  There are enemies out there, to be certain.  If I could put them on "wanted posters", I would put a bounty on "Apathy", "Cynicism", "Self-Absorption", "Hubris"..............but not on my neighbor down the street who voted for McCain/Palin, nor the husband of a friend who listens to Rush Limbaugh every day.

Unless we can come out of our siege mentality, our potential ability to influence for justice will surely soon be "erased from the map of the world".

I am not the enemy.  Neither are you.

Hubris and the National Day of Prayer

The "NegHeads" (those who choose to spread negative disinformation about everything) have spent the last month falsely proclaiming that Obama has "cancelled" the National Day of Prayer.  He didn't, of course, but why let the truth come in the way of good fear-mongering.

Shortly after September 11, I found the song inserted at the end of this post.  It really moved me, although I am certain that others may find it disconcerting.  The implication is that maybe we are not always the perfect nation.  Maybe we are having problems as a result of the national sin we have committed.  Maybe our arrogance, selfishness, and greed are being punished.

For a long time - perhaps too long - we have prided ourselves in being the Good Guys.  Yet what have we done recently to earn that title?  Even as I type, millions around this country are working to defeat Senators and Congressional Representatives who voted in favor of health care reform.  A few dollars of their own are more important to them than the health of their neighbors.

I'm pretty sure this contradicts the message of Jesus: "Truly, I say to you, as you did it not to one of the least of these, you did it not to me..." (Mt. 25:45)

So today I am celebrating my own kind of National Day of Prayer.  Mine is not one where we all pray "Yay, God - aren't we great - give us more good stuff!"  Rather, I will spend the day quietly begging forgiveness for not caring for the lives of our brothers and sisters...for despoiling the earth in search of profits...for believing having more stuff demonstrates righteousness...for assuming anyone who worships God as Allah is evil...for walking past one of God's Children who is stricken with illness, because I don't think I should get involved.

Perhaps you would like to join me?

Sorry If It Offends You, But...

I was having my daily chat with my mother this morning.  This is not as easy as it might seem.  She is 91, has dementia, and is losing her hearing.  Unless you have ever tried to carry on a conversation with someone with dementia, you cannot possibly understand how difficult and exhausting it is.  Nevertheless...I persevere.

Early into the phone call she said, "What do you think about Obama?"

I was about to give her my standard answer that he has a lot of work to do when she said, "There IS no Obama."

Okay.  Even for my mom, this was off the wall.  So I asked her what she meant.  And she told me that a person with whom I am acquainted had called and said that there is no Obama...no birth certificate...no one by that name...and no one was currently President of the United States
.
Then she started to cry.

My mother is a first generation American.  Her parents taught her - and (some of) my generation later - that the greatest privilege in life was receiving Eucharist...closely followed by voting.  My grandparents worked hard to gain their citizenship.  Much harder than those of us who were born here.  I have heard many times about how difficult it was for them to take their citizenship exam, and how their kids helped them study for it.  This was interspersed with whispered stories of "so-and-so" who was a DP (Displaced Person) and always watching over their shoulder for someone who might turn them in and send them back.

Being of immigrant stock (what a stupid idiom!), as well as a daughter of one of the first members of the United Auto Workers Union, my mother has always voted for Democrats.  I thought race might come into play when Obama first declared his candidacy.  But no - she liked him.  And she was thrilled when he won the election.

And now some fool told her that he didn't even exist.  No birth certificate, no Obama.

I wish you could see the smoke coming out of my ears right now!

First of all - leave old people alone.  She can believe whatever she likes - she's earned that right.  If you want to scare or disappoint someone, do it to someone your own age.

Second - Birthers need to get over it.  I believe the current internet term is STFU.  You are being ridiculous and are wasting valuable oxygen with your constant blathering.

And third...ah, third!  If you really feel the need to be afraid all the time, rent some horror movies or take a ride on the biggest roller coaster you can find.  Because I DON'T!

--There are no death panels.
--You will not be thrown in jail if you don't have health insurance.
--The Constitution was wounded by the force-feeding of the Patriot Act, but it's holding its own right now.  I visited it less than a year ago.  Still there.  Protected by men with really big guns.

See...I didn't spend all those years in grad school for nothing.  I actually learned how to do research.  Check facts.  You maybe be too lazy to google a topic, but I am not.  Fox News might just need to hire someone like me.

Republicans, I had eight years of your Bush presidency.  Now you have four or eight of my Obama presidency.  That's how a democracy works, Karl Rove notwithstanding.  Your breath-holding and fear-mongering are getting really old.

And frightening my mother is simply reprehensible.

She prefers to see the glass as half full.  I prefer to see the glass as half full.

Like the title says - sorry that offends you.

But Not In My Backyard...

From Huffington:

OKLAHOMA CITY — Frustrated by recent political setbacks, tea party leaders and some conservative members of the Oklahoma Legislature say they would like to create a new volunteer militia to help defend against what they believe are improper federal infringements on state sovereignty.

Tea party movement leaders say they've discussed the idea with several supportive lawmakers and hope to get legislation next year to recognize a new volunteer force. They say the unit would not resemble militia groups that have been raided for allegedly plotting attacks on law enforcement officers.

"Is it scary? It sure is," said tea party leader Al Gerhart of Oklahoma City, who heads an umbrella group of tea party factions called the Oklahoma Constitutional Alliance. "But when do the states stop rolling over for the federal government?"

Thus far, the discussions have been exploratory. Even the proponents say they don't know how an armed force would be organized nor how a state-based militia could block federal mandates. Critics also asserted that the force could inflame extremism, and that the National Guard already provides for the state's military needs.

"Have they heard of the Oklahoma City bombing?" said Joseph Thai, a constitutional law professor at the University of Oklahoma. The state observes the 15th anniversary of the anti-government attack on Monday. Such actions could "throw fuel in the fire of radicals," he said.

But the militia talks reflect the frustration of some grass roots groups seeking new ways of fighting recent federal initiatives, such as the health reform plan, which requires all citizens to have health insurance. Over the last year, tea party groups across the country have staged rallies and pressured politicians to protest big government and demand reduced public spending.

In strongly conservative states like Oklahoma, some legislators have also discussed further action to fight federal policies, such as state legislation and lawsuits.

State Sen. Randy Brogdon, R-Owasso, a Republican candidate for governor who has appealed for tea party support, said supporters of a state militia have talked to him, and that he believes the citizen unit would be authorized under the Second Amendment to the Constitution.

The founding fathers "were not referring to a turkey shoot or a quail hunt. They really weren't even talking about us having the ability to protect ourselves against each other," Brogdon said. "The Second Amendment deals directly with the right of an individual to keep and bear arms to protect themselves from an overreaching federal government."

Another lawmaker, state Rep. Charles Key, R-Oklahoma City, said he believes there's a good chance of introducing legislation for a state-authorized militia next year.

Tea party leader J.W. Berry of the Tulsa-based OKforTea began soliciting interest in a state militia through his newsletter under the subject "Buy more guns, more bullets."

"It's not a far-right crazy plan or anything like that," Berry said. "This would be done with the full cooperation of the state Legislature."

State militias clearly are constitutionally authorized, but have not been used in recent times, said Glenn Reynolds, a law professor at the University of Tennessee and an expert on the Second Amendment. "Whether someone should get a militia to go toe-to-toe with the federal government ... now, that strikes me as kind of silly," he said.

Some conservative legislators in Oklahoma say talk of a militia, which would be privately recruited, armed and trained, goes too far.

"If the intent is to create a militia for disaster relief, we have the National Guard," said Sen. Steve Russell, R-Oklahoma City, a retired Army lieutenant colonel. "Anything beyond that purpose should be viewed with great concern and caution."

Democratic Gov. Brad Henry's communications director Paul Sund also discounted the militia discussion, saying the National Guard handles state emergencies and security.

Federal authorities say that radical militia groups have not emerged in Oklahoma, unlike many other states, in part because of the legacy of the Oklahoma City bombing. On April 19, 1995, an anti-government conspiracy led by Army veteran Tim McVeigh exploded a truckbomb outside the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, killing 168 people.

Last month, FBI agents conducted a raid on the Hutaree militia group in southern Michigan and accused members of plotting to kill law enforcement officers.

See..Go for it, Oklahoma!  And while you are opting out, the other 49 states can divide up your share of federal funding to keep new medications flowing and safe...inspection of toys and food...defense against alQuaeda, the Taliban, North Korea, and Iran...FEMA money when the inevitable summer tornadoes hit your state...air traffic control...federal highway dollars...farm subsidies...and on and on and on.

Yes, I know it is almost April 15 - Tax Day.  I, too, would love to live somewhere without having to pay taxes.  I would also love to wear designer clothes, while paying K-Mart prices.  But the two just don't go together.  If you want to live in a first world country, the price of admission is first world taxes.

I have been cleaning out a closet of things that my mother has saved over the decades.  There are many letters from my father, written while he was serving in the Army during World War II.  Did he want to be in the Philippines?  NO!  But he knew that that was the price for defeating the enemy.  Decades before, all four of my grandparents left Poland and their families to come to the United States.  Did they want to experience the loneliness and uncertainty?  NO!  But they wanted the independence and opportunity of living here, and knew that that was the price they must pay.

Tea Baggers and their like need to quit whining.  Or else leave this country.  Because - as so many gun-nuts are fond of saying, Freedom ISN'T free!

Perspective

Adapted from the Pastoral Letter of Bishop Guy Deroubaix - 1966 - Saint-Denis, France:

We love our Church,

with all her limitations, and her riches too, she is our Mother.

For this reason we respect her, and while we do so,

we dream that she will never lose her beauty:

May she be a Church where it's good to live,

where you can breathe, and say what you think.

A Church of freedom.

A Church

which listens before speaking, which welcomes instead of judging,

which forgives without wishing to condemn,

which announces rather than denounces.

A Church of mercy.

A Church

where the simplest of our brothers and sisters

will understand what others are saying,

and where the wisest of leaders will know that he doesn't know;

where the people of God will be revealed in its entirety.

A Church of wisdom.

A Church

where the Holy Spirit will be able to feel at home

because everything hasn't been forseen,

settled and decided in advance.

An open Church.

A Church

where the audacity to do something new

will be stronger than the habit of doing things

as they've always been done.

A Church

where everyone can pray in their own language

express themselves according to their culture,

live with their own history.

A Church

of which people will say,

not "See how well organized they are"

but "See how they love one another."

Church of the city,

Church of the suburbs and streets...

Lift up your head, and look: The Lord is with you.

Note that this was written shortly after the closing of the Second Vatican Council...which was a time of great promise and possibility.  I believe I found it in a pile of things I was going through today, because that promise and possibility - while as yet unfulfilled - are still God's intention for us.

Sarah Palin...

...makes me want to puke.